Regarding the Sun
by TwinEnigma
Summary: Hinata is sixteen and selfish. Spoilers for 437. Reviewers - if you want to take me to task for this, log in so I can reply properly.


_**Regarding the Sun**_

_By TwinEnigma_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto nor any of the characters. I do this for fun and no profit._

_Warnings: Spoilers, character death._

_Edits: fixed author's note.  
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Hinata is selfish and young.

She longs to be strong and confident, to be the girl that attracts the eyes of others. She craves this, desires it more than anything. Who can blame her? It is only natural to want one's existence to be acknowledged.

Instead, she languishes on the sidelines, a veritable ghost to all but her own teammates. She presses flowers and daydreams of all the things she could have done differently, of all the ways she could transform herself into something more, something that would captivate the world.

Naruto is everything she is not. She desires to be like him, to get closer in the hopes he will transform her into the confident person she wants to be, but she doesn't really understand what she's doing. She wants to become the type of person he would see, but it's scary and she can't ever quite work up the courage to change. In his presence, her words falter and her throat dries up before she can regain them. He has never heard her feelings, but he is polite and friendly to her, which is surely a sign he has not rejected her.

She thinks she loves him.

She's sure she loves him.

She's sure if she can just tell him, he'll realize that she's been there all along and fall in love with her.

Hinata is young.

She is young and has never really been in love, but she's heard stories of great loves in fairy tales and ancient plays. Her idea of love is eternal, selfless and pure. It transcends time and tribulation and even death itself. Nothing bad in the world can triumph over the purity of true love. To die for true love would be a beautiful thing, she decides.

Hinata is sixteen and very selfish.

With her eyes, she sees only Naruto, the embodiment of the determination and courage she desperately craves, and all else fades away. When he finally falters in the face of the nightmare Pain, a terror and rage she has never known blossoms in her heart.

How dare he!

How dare that man take away Naruto!

It is not worth surviving without that smile, that boy who blazes the way. She loves him and she'll die for him today.

Hinata was sixteen.

She had never kissed a boy, nor gone on a date. She liked pressing flowers and daydreaming. She was kind-hearted and pretty, in a shy sort of wallflower way, but she had always kept to herself mostly. She wanted more than anything to be confident and beloved.

She is only remembered.

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AN: This... isn't love.

See, the thing is Naruto is more than person to her. Over the years, he's become an _idea_, a goal to strive for. She wants to be like him and, yet, in many ways, she's very blind to Naruto's faults. Because he's this idol to her, she doesn't seem to be aware that he actually is a falliable person and her dive into battle against Pain is the desperation of someone who sees their idol fall, unaware that they _can_ fall. If she was actually _closer_ to him, she might actually realize that he's not this idolized version of himself she's built up in her head. In this way, Hinata actually is like pre-timeskip Sakura.

Loving the idol and loving the person underneath can be like seeing the difference between the sun and moon.

It is my opinion that Hinata is too young and inexperienced to distinguish between wanting to be like someone she idolizes and love. I also believe she probably has an overtly romantic notion of love, being of that age. Just because Naruto is polite and kind to her does not mean he will not reject her if she makes a direct advance. Just because she confesses her love to him does not mean he will instantly realize she exists and gain feelings for her - in fact, he looked quite like "WTF?" when she popped up with that.

And then there's the cultural convention component - Hinata seems to be set up as the classic staple of Japanese storytelling regarding unrequited love. The one she loves, she can never have and there's this quiet acceptance of that.

If you have the stones to question my logic, at least have the stones to log in so I can reply to you.


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